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fannish5. Because I reaaaaallly am avoiding work, yo.
Flight of the Conchords
Frodo, don't wear the ring!
The magical bling bling
Murray: I've told you. When you are in a band, you don't get with your bandmate's girlfriend. Past or present.
Jemaine: Yes, well, thanks for that.
Murray: You get a love triangle, you know, a Fleetwood Mac situation. Although there was four of them, so more of a love square. But you know, no-one gets on.
Jemaine: Ok, I see.
Murray: Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.
Bret: Rumours
Murray: No. No, it's all true.
My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment
I made all of the ladies in the area pregnant
Yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist
But you lovely bitches and hoes should know I'm trying to correct this.
Murray: All right, here you are. You should wear these T-shirt with "New York" on them. All right, Just so you fit in. Here's a hat. Put this on, all right? (Puts on hat) (In bad New York accent): "Hey, I'm walkin' here!" That's what they say when... people get in the way, so there's the hats.
Binary Solo!
0000001
00000011
00000111
00001111
O, O O 1, O O 1!
Come on sucker, lick my battery!
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Harry: Still gay?
Gay Perry: No, knee-deep in pussy. I just love the name so much I can't get rid of it.
Gay Perry: Why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse?
Harry: Umm, clearly I'm interrupting. I feel badly. Let me... What are you drinking?
Harmony: Bad.
Harry: Bad? Sorry... feel...?
Harmony: You feel bad.
Harry: Bad?
Harmony: Badly is an adverb. So to say you feel badly would be saying that the mechanism which allows you to feel is broken.
Perry: Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call.
Harry: Bad.
Perry: Excuse me?
Harry: Sleep bad. Otherwise it makes it seem like the mechanism that allows you to sleep...
Perry: What, fuckhead? Who taught you grammar? Badly's an adverb. Get out. Vanish.
Gay Perry: What did you just do!?
Harry: There was only one bullet in that right?
Gay Perry: Yes, you put a live round into that gun.
Harry: Well I didn't know I thought there was like an...eight percent chance.
Gay Perry: Eight? Who taught you math?
Perry: Talking money...
Harry: A talking monkey?
Perry: Talking monkey, yeah, yeah. Came here from the future, ugly sucker, only says "ficus".
Harlan Dexter: Captain fucking Magic!
Highlander: The Series
Duncan: I didn't really think you existed.
Methos: Ah, it's good to be a myth.
Duncan to Richie: "Does that bike of yours still haul ass?"
Richie : "Like Madonna's underwear."
Joe: "I gotta go now. Where am I gonna find a bathroom out here?"
Duncan: "Find a tree."
Joe: "What if he comes out while I'm looking for a tree."
Duncan: "Then use a cup."
Joe: "What're you, a nurse?"
Duncan: "How was I?"
Richie: "Not bad. A little over the top."
Duncan: "I thought I was excellent."
Richie: "I'm sure you thought you were excellent."
Duncan: "You know I was an actor once."
Richie: "I've heard."
Duncan: "I played Shakespeare, I played all the great parts."
Richie: "I know you did.
Maurice to Fitz: "Are you sure you're English?"
Fitz: "All my life."
Fitz, a little later: "What do you suppose he means 'am I sure I'm English'?"
Tessa: Are you two related?
Conner: same clan different vintage.
Eddie Izzard
(okay, he's technically not a show. shut up.)
But we play bad guys in Hollywood movies, like, take, uh, The Empire Strikes Back from the Star Wars trilogy. The Death Star – just full of British actors opening doors and going: "Oh, I'm … oh … oh." "What is it, Lieutenant Sebastian?" "It's just the rebels, sir. They're here." "My God, man! Do they want tea?" "No, I think they're after something more than that, sir. I don't know what it is, but they've brought a flag." "Damn! That's dashed cunning of them! Ah, Lord Vader!"
We've got known in Britain for making the smaller films. Recently we've been pulling out of that into the more Trainspotting area, but the smaller films, they got the Room with a View with a Staircase and a Pond type movie. Whereas if the film did any little bit of business in America, if the film did some decent bit of business, then Hollywood would take it, and they'd remake it and up the budget by 50 million and it would be called The Room With a View of Hell! … Staircase of Satan! … Pond of Death.
"Now I'm going to marry my first wife, then I'm going to divorce her. Now, I know what you're going to say, but stick with me, my story gets better! I'm going to marry my second wife, then I'm going to kill her! Cut her head off! Ah, you weren't expecting that, were you? Third wife, going to shoot her! Fourth wife, put her in a bag! Fifth wife, into outer space! Sixth wife on a Rotissomat! Seventh wife will be made out of jam …"
"You crazy bugger! You can't do all this! What are you, a Mormon?!"
People on movies are always so professional with computers.
(Mimes using a computer) "Hacking into Pentagon. Double click on 'yes'". Oh password protected. Ok sixteen billion possible combinations. 'Jeff'. Hey!"
"But how did you know?"
"Well the programmer left a back door so he could come on when ever he wanted and look at all the missiles and try them on his head. And the programmer's name was Jeff Jefferty Jeff, born on the nineteenth of Jeff nineteen jefferty-jeff so i typed in 'Jeff' and hey!"
But there must've been a Death Star canteen, yeah? There must've been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go down:
Darth Vader: I will have the penne all'arrabbiata.
Canteen Worker: You'll need a tray.
Darth Vader: Do you know who I am?
Canteen Worker: Do you know who I am?
Darth Vader: This is not a game of who the fuck are you. For I am Vader, Darth Vader, Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought.
Canteen Worker: Well, you'll still need a tray.
Darth Vader: No, I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force, for which is strong within me. Even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished. For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen floor.
Canteen Worker: No, the food is hot. You'll need a tray to put the food on.
Darth Vader: Oh, I see the food is hot. I'm sorry. I did not realise. Ha ha ha ha … oh … tray for the … yes. I thought you were challenging me for the fight to the death.
"You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym. Your diary must look odd: 'Get up in the morning, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Lunch, Death, Death, Death, Afternoon Tea, Death, Death, Death, Quick shower…'"
Doctor Who (Ninth Doctor style)
The Doctor: She's not my wife.
Jabe: Partner?
The Doctor: Nope.
Jabe: .... Concubine?
The Doctor: Nope.
Jabe: .... Prostitute?
Rose: Whatever I am, it must be invisible, do you mind? Tell you what you two go and.... pollinate. I'm going to catch up with the family. Quick word with Michael Jackson.
The Doctor: What's wrong with this jumper?
The Doctor: The door's jammed- stay there!
Rose: Where am I going to go, Ipswich?
The Doctor: Who said you're not important? I've traveled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn't even imagine. But you two! Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I've never had a life like that. Yes. I'll try to save you.
Rose: My mum's cooking.
The Doctor: Good. Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.
Rose: Okay, so he's vanished into thin air. Why's it always the great-looking ones who do that?
The Doctor: I'm making an effort not to be insulted.
Rose: I mean... men.
The Doctor: Okay. Thanks. That really helped.
The Doctor: He's your boyfriend.
Rose: Not any more.
The Doctor: Rose! I've just remembered!
Rose: What?
The Doctor: I can dance! I can dance!
Rose: My head-
The Doctor: Come here.
Rose: -is killing me.
The Doctor: I think you need a doctor.
(okay, I'll stop now)
Well, that was a very convenient time waster. *g*
gryphonrhi, from fannish5. Because I reaaaaallly am avoiding work, yo.Flight of the Conchords
Frodo, don't wear the ring!
The magical bling bling
Murray: I've told you. When you are in a band, you don't get with your bandmate's girlfriend. Past or present.
Jemaine: Yes, well, thanks for that.
Murray: You get a love triangle, you know, a Fleetwood Mac situation. Although there was four of them, so more of a love square. But you know, no-one gets on.
Jemaine: Ok, I see.
Murray: Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.
Bret: Rumours
Murray: No. No, it's all true.
My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment
I made all of the ladies in the area pregnant
Yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist
But you lovely bitches and hoes should know I'm trying to correct this.
Murray: All right, here you are. You should wear these T-shirt with "New York" on them. All right, Just so you fit in. Here's a hat. Put this on, all right? (Puts on hat) (In bad New York accent): "Hey, I'm walkin' here!" That's what they say when... people get in the way, so there's the hats.
Binary Solo!
0000001
00000011
00000111
00001111
O, O O 1, O O 1!
Come on sucker, lick my battery!
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Harry: Still gay?
Gay Perry: No, knee-deep in pussy. I just love the name so much I can't get rid of it.
Gay Perry: Why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse?
Harry: Umm, clearly I'm interrupting. I feel badly. Let me... What are you drinking?
Harmony: Bad.
Harry: Bad? Sorry... feel...?
Harmony: You feel bad.
Harry: Bad?
Harmony: Badly is an adverb. So to say you feel badly would be saying that the mechanism which allows you to feel is broken.
Perry: Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call.
Harry: Bad.
Perry: Excuse me?
Harry: Sleep bad. Otherwise it makes it seem like the mechanism that allows you to sleep...
Perry: What, fuckhead? Who taught you grammar? Badly's an adverb. Get out. Vanish.
Gay Perry: What did you just do!?
Harry: There was only one bullet in that right?
Gay Perry: Yes, you put a live round into that gun.
Harry: Well I didn't know I thought there was like an...eight percent chance.
Gay Perry: Eight? Who taught you math?
Perry: Talking money...
Harry: A talking monkey?
Perry: Talking monkey, yeah, yeah. Came here from the future, ugly sucker, only says "ficus".
Harlan Dexter: Captain fucking Magic!
Highlander: The Series
Duncan: I didn't really think you existed.
Methos: Ah, it's good to be a myth.
Duncan to Richie: "Does that bike of yours still haul ass?"
Richie : "Like Madonna's underwear."
Joe: "I gotta go now. Where am I gonna find a bathroom out here?"
Duncan: "Find a tree."
Joe: "What if he comes out while I'm looking for a tree."
Duncan: "Then use a cup."
Joe: "What're you, a nurse?"
Duncan: "How was I?"
Richie: "Not bad. A little over the top."
Duncan: "I thought I was excellent."
Richie: "I'm sure you thought you were excellent."
Duncan: "You know I was an actor once."
Richie: "I've heard."
Duncan: "I played Shakespeare, I played all the great parts."
Richie: "I know you did.
Maurice to Fitz: "Are you sure you're English?"
Fitz: "All my life."
Fitz, a little later: "What do you suppose he means 'am I sure I'm English'?"
Tessa: Are you two related?
Conner: same clan different vintage.
Eddie Izzard
(okay, he's technically not a show. shut up.)
But we play bad guys in Hollywood movies, like, take, uh, The Empire Strikes Back from the Star Wars trilogy. The Death Star – just full of British actors opening doors and going: "Oh, I'm … oh … oh." "What is it, Lieutenant Sebastian?" "It's just the rebels, sir. They're here." "My God, man! Do they want tea?" "No, I think they're after something more than that, sir. I don't know what it is, but they've brought a flag." "Damn! That's dashed cunning of them! Ah, Lord Vader!"
We've got known in Britain for making the smaller films. Recently we've been pulling out of that into the more Trainspotting area, but the smaller films, they got the Room with a View with a Staircase and a Pond type movie. Whereas if the film did any little bit of business in America, if the film did some decent bit of business, then Hollywood would take it, and they'd remake it and up the budget by 50 million and it would be called The Room With a View of Hell! … Staircase of Satan! … Pond of Death.
"Now I'm going to marry my first wife, then I'm going to divorce her. Now, I know what you're going to say, but stick with me, my story gets better! I'm going to marry my second wife, then I'm going to kill her! Cut her head off! Ah, you weren't expecting that, were you? Third wife, going to shoot her! Fourth wife, put her in a bag! Fifth wife, into outer space! Sixth wife on a Rotissomat! Seventh wife will be made out of jam …"
"You crazy bugger! You can't do all this! What are you, a Mormon?!"
People on movies are always so professional with computers.
(Mimes using a computer) "Hacking into Pentagon. Double click on 'yes'". Oh password protected. Ok sixteen billion possible combinations. 'Jeff'. Hey!"
"But how did you know?"
"Well the programmer left a back door so he could come on when ever he wanted and look at all the missiles and try them on his head. And the programmer's name was Jeff Jefferty Jeff, born on the nineteenth of Jeff nineteen jefferty-jeff so i typed in 'Jeff' and hey!"
But there must've been a Death Star canteen, yeah? There must've been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go down:
Darth Vader: I will have the penne all'arrabbiata.
Canteen Worker: You'll need a tray.
Darth Vader: Do you know who I am?
Canteen Worker: Do you know who I am?
Darth Vader: This is not a game of who the fuck are you. For I am Vader, Darth Vader, Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought.
Canteen Worker: Well, you'll still need a tray.
Darth Vader: No, I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force, for which is strong within me. Even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished. For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen floor.
Canteen Worker: No, the food is hot. You'll need a tray to put the food on.
Darth Vader: Oh, I see the food is hot. I'm sorry. I did not realise. Ha ha ha ha … oh … tray for the … yes. I thought you were challenging me for the fight to the death.
"You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym. Your diary must look odd: 'Get up in the morning, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Lunch, Death, Death, Death, Afternoon Tea, Death, Death, Death, Quick shower…'"
Doctor Who (Ninth Doctor style)
The Doctor: She's not my wife.
Jabe: Partner?
The Doctor: Nope.
Jabe: .... Concubine?
The Doctor: Nope.
Jabe: .... Prostitute?
Rose: Whatever I am, it must be invisible, do you mind? Tell you what you two go and.... pollinate. I'm going to catch up with the family. Quick word with Michael Jackson.
The Doctor: What's wrong with this jumper?
The Doctor: The door's jammed- stay there!
Rose: Where am I going to go, Ipswich?
The Doctor: Who said you're not important? I've traveled to all sorts of places, done things you couldn't even imagine. But you two! Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I've never had a life like that. Yes. I'll try to save you.
Rose: My mum's cooking.
The Doctor: Good. Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.
Rose: Okay, so he's vanished into thin air. Why's it always the great-looking ones who do that?
The Doctor: I'm making an effort not to be insulted.
Rose: I mean... men.
The Doctor: Okay. Thanks. That really helped.
The Doctor: He's your boyfriend.
Rose: Not any more.
The Doctor: Rose! I've just remembered!
Rose: What?
The Doctor: I can dance! I can dance!
Rose: My head-
The Doctor: Come here.
Rose: -is killing me.
The Doctor: I think you need a doctor.
(okay, I'll stop now)
Well, that was a very convenient time waster. *g*
